Humour
One evening a husband thinking he was being funny says to his wife “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in ‘Slim Fast’. Maybe it would take a few inches off your butt.”
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself, as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'
She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!!
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Church: One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake
her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied,
"I'm not going." "Why not?" she asked. I'll give you two good reasons," he said.
"(1), they don't like me, and (2), I don't like them." His mother replied, "I'll
give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church.
(1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!"
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The Picnic: A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter."This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."
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The Best Way To Pray
A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer,
while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.
"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands
outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying
down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted.
"The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone
pole."
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May your day be
touched
by a bit of Irish luck,
brightened by a song in your heart,
and warmed by the smiles
of the people you love.