Humour
Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to
find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the
dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished!
It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said, 'Wives who work full-time
and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex'.
The night went very well. The next day, she told her office friends all about
it. 'We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the
kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed
the evening.'
'But what about afterward?' asked her friends.
'Oh, that ..., Ralph was too tired..'
♥♥♥
Verne was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his
wife, Lucrecia, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him.
Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the head,
killing her instantly.
A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her
autopsy.
Coroner:" Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force trauma to the
head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the head, is that correct?"
Verne: "Yes, sir, that's correct."
Coroner: " Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged up her rear."
Verne: "Was it a Titleist 3?"
Coroner: "Yes, it was."
Verne: "That was my provisional."
♥♥♥
A man showed up at a costume party with a girl on his back. Other partygoers
were confused by the man's costume. Eventually, a woman approached the man and
asked about his costume. "I'm a snail," said the man. "But there's a girl on
your back," the woman replied. "I know," said the man. "That's Michelle."
♥♥♥
Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall
where a flower show was in progress.
The thin one leaned over and said, 'Life is so boring. We never have any fun any
more. For $10 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower
show!'
'You're on!' said the other old lady, holding up a $10 bill.
The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and
completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door
of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall;
followed by loud applause and shrill whistling.
The smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a
cheering crowd.
'What happened?' asked her waiting friend.
'I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement.
♥♥♥
I have a question:
- If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea....
does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?
- If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others
here for?
- Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?
- I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and
forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
- What hair colour do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
YOU, make it a great day!
Lord, please keep Your arm around my shoulders and Your hand over my mouth! Amen
♥♥♥
A little girl walked to and from school daily.
Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she
made her daily trek to the elementary school.
As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning. The
mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened
as she walked home from school and she feared the electrical storm might harm
her child.
Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route
to her child's school. As she did, she saw her little girl walking along at each
flash of lightning; the child would stop, look up, and smile. Another and
another flash of lighting followed quickly and with each, the little girl would
look at the streak of light and smile.
When the mother's car drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and
called to her 'What are you doing?' The child answered, 'I am trying to look
pretty because God keeps taking my picture.'
Just have a good day today and everyday as you face the storms that come your
way.